Happy Humpday! Welcome back to the mid-week stretch. Well, here we are again, returning to that last full five day work week before those two shortened final weeks of the year. Yep, all we need to do is get through this week, then we are in the clear for smooth sailing towards the holiday breaks! But that means the holidays are coming near and everything needs to be ready! Oy! Sure, Hanukkah is already more than half over, but for this Jew, a gift isn’t late for the holidays until January 1st, so I’m still chugging along on the old craft wagon.
Anyway, I digress (ooh look, something shiny!). So, yes, it’s the last long week of stress before the short week of scrambling to get stocking stuffers and extra gift wrap. So, let’s take a relaxing Humpday break to sit back, chill out and find out all the sexy news that’s fit to print!
Let’s get to it!
- Lady Gaga’s “Poker Face” gets a “poke her face” update with a bizarrely awesome penis face portrait (pictured).
- And speaking of dicks, this is the ultimate fucking bed. It’s totally where the magic happens.
- A Nevada brothel owner is bringing something new to the oldest profession in the world. She hopes to open the first legal male prostitution house in the United States, now that STI testing laws have changed. I guess Field of Dreams was right… if you build it, they will definitely cum. (via Jezebel)
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Some video games are all about cocking your weapon. This includes the new Resident Evil (#5, I think) with zombie killer Chris Redfield. Other games are just all about the cock. Like the one picture above, which has taken Chris Redfield and comic-ized his CG self and tied him up, all for our enjoyment. That’s right all you gamers out there, The Humplex has created a game that’s only objective is to make this man cum. Just move your mouse over his wang, from balls to shaft and watch the Cum Bar fill up, getting him closer and closer to your win!
I knew someday I’d find a game I liked more than Super Mario Brothers (and maybe even more than this)!
(via Fleshbot)
xoxo
-J.D. Bauchery
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Intercourse and handjobs are like chocolate ice cream and strawberry ice cream – they are both equally tasty and fun, and you don’t have to partake in just one, or both. In fact, you can have two scoops, or just a lick of each. Sex is the same way. While it’s become the norm to think of sex as a linear event (ie. first base, then second base, third, and onward to the home run), in reality, there is no right or wrong way to fuck. And just because handjobs are foreplay to some folks, it doesn’t mean a good handjob can’t take you all the way home and beyond.
To get my point across loud and clear, I am putting a moratorium on the idea of foreplay. I am of the firm belief that anything that traditionally comes before intercourse is perfectly capable of standing on its own. And though we may play that way and then go to intercourse, there should be no prescribed agenda or script to follow. In honor of giving the big F.U. to anyone telling anyone else how to have sex, I am offering up a two-part Sex Tips that deal directly with our five fingered friends, our hands!
First up I’m giving the guys some love… well, them and the sexy strapped on gals. I’m talkin’ bout man-handling the manbits, stroking the sausage, wankin’ the weiner – basically how to give the best of the best handjob around. Next week you guys get a little lady bit lovin’!
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Penny Flame may be the most adorably sexy porn star I’ve ever seen. I want to hang out with her and bake cookies just as much as I’d like to lay her down and give her a handjob of her own. While the actual info about handjobs in this instructional flick is awesome and extremely thorough, Flame is what really makes the movie with her entertaining while she informs approach. Both her instructions and demonstrations are pumped full of flirty fun, on-point tips and useful ideas – not to mention the wet pussies and rock hard cocks – and easy to both understand and enjoy.
I will say I would have liked if the little Penny Flame pop ups were a farther and fewer between, but I’ll admit that the pointers popping up were interesting and good to know. All in all, I am consistently impressed with (and worked up by) Vivid Ed’s instructional offerings and this Penny Flame addition only strengthens (and hardens) my love for their awesomely engaging and totally hot way of dispersing sexy knowledge.
-J.D. Bauchery
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