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Abigail Productions
Going through old reviews, I noticed that while we wrote about scenes one and two of Abigail Production’s “First Dates,” we never actually reviewed the last scene (it’s actually scenes 5,6 & 7) . I skipped an April Flores scene! I am so ashamed! And I call myself a fan. Obviously I had to rectify this situation ASAP, so today we are hanging out with two of the sassiest lady lovers around – zaftig porno goddess April Flores and tattooed tuff gal Varla Vex!
Blind dates can either be a total hit or a cringe-inducing, run for the hills miss. And rough-around-the-edges blonde bombshell Varla Vex has experienced only the down side of fix ups… until now. Things are looking up as soon as the amazingly hot April Flores walks in the door in a tight, low-cut dress, sporting her signature bright red curls. The twosome hit it off right from the get go and sparks start flying as they get drunk at the bar.
Things devolve into a pissing contest… literally, as the ladies head out to the parking lot and try to pee over a truck. Yeah, I don’t get it either. I think that maybe they were actually drunk, which is totally fine with me. They both seem to be having a ton of fun and laughing their asses off, which is all I would require of a first date. While I’m not real into piss when it comes to porn, this was completely separate from the fucking so I could get down with it.
As soon as they head inside for another drink, we finally get some action! A perfectly positioned pool table is just the place for things to turn a little more physical as April balances on the side and Varla goes straight for her tits and bare pussy. I love the way that Varla keeps telling April how hot she is – like she is in awe of April, but who wouldn’t be? And it is super duper hot when April lets Varla know just how she likes to be fucked, all while keeping it nice and dirty.
So, by this point you’d think they’d just skip the boozing and head back to Varla’s place, right? Wrong! The pair decides to get that last drink before they bring it to the bedroom and end up actually watching the whole bar while the bartender (a cameo by porn director Vena Virago) goes out with Mexican Wrestler Mr. Unknown (played by himself). They have free reign of the place, with only one rule to follow – no fucking on the bar! And not to ruin the surprise, but the rest of the insanely hot fucking, sucking, licking and kissing takes place right atop the old wooden bar. I bet you didn’t see that coming; but predictable or not, it’s freaking hot! What can I say, I’ve always had the hots for the rulebreakers…
-J.D. Bauchery
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It’s not often that we get an insider look at what ladies are saying about porn. Sure I’ve slyly started conversations among my friends and sometimes we get comments, but it’s very rare for us to get a totally unbaised look at what folks actually think about the porn they watch/don’t watch.
The awesome lezzie ladies over at VelvetPark video taped a recent conversation among themselves talking about what kinds of porn the like, what they don’t and exactly what they want to see (orgasms!!). Being a few maragitas to the wind, I’m sure they didn’t think their nudie movie preference would be all over the web, but yay for candid conversation and yay for embedded video.
We here at HM4Her love us some orgasms and girls really getting off as well, so to all you VelvetParkers, stick with us – we won’t steer you wrong.
If it’s femme on femme fucking you’re after, try the movies of Triangle Films and Abigail Productions.
Looking for some queer lovin’? Take a looksie at Pink and White Productions and Fatale Media movies.
For straight (ha!) up butch on butch – head over to Butch Boi for a good time.
And Don’t forget to check out the hotness that these gals keep talking about – The Crash Pad Series!
Hell, why not just browse through our entire Lesbian, Queer and Gay Theaters!
xoxo
-J.D. Bauchery
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I am on vacation. A real vacation that involves airplanes, cruise boats, tropical destinations and time alone with my girlfriend. I really can’t imagine anything better. While I did not bring my laptop away with us, I did think about it, purely based on the fact that internet in the room equals porn, and we have some pretty freaking amazing stuff that would be perfect to watch in a locked stateroom with your partner and a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign hanging on the door. Here are the top five movies I would have wanted us to watch on our paradise vacay, had I just bit the bullet and packed my powerbook.
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Crash Pad Series – Episode 10: Vai’s Solo: Vai is one of the hottest gals I’ve encountered in the pornosphere. Something about her shy smile and the way that she squirts buckets just gets to me… in a totally good and swoon worthy way. I have yet to introduce this Crash Pad cutie to my life outside of work, and I figure this is as perfect a time as any. |
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Good Dyke Porn: With a title like Good Dyke Porn, you know right off the bat that you aren’t getting any crap. Just hot queers rollin’ around in the hay and havin’ a good time. And when it comes to limited vacation time fun, you need to know you are getting your selection right the first time. |
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Tristan Taormino’s Rough Sex: This newest Tristan Taormino flick features five popular porn stars taking on their own rough sex fantasies with partners of their own choice. If that doesn’t sound like the hottest set up in porno history, I’m really not sure what does. With Sasha Grey, Satine Phoenix and Derrick Pierce among the roster, I know this movie is going to shoot to the top of my must watch again list – vacation or no vacation. |
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First Dates: Watching April Flores get plowed as she’s on all fours atop a grungy bar is definitely the highlight of this super sexy, super cute all girl fuck fest. Three scenes of non-stop girl-girl excitement and a fun blind date plot is just what the cruise director ordered! |
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Coffee, Tea Or Me: Like I said, we’re taking a plane, so what better than mile high hotness to give us a few ideas? |
Bon Voyage!
xoxo
-J.D. Bauchery
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Last week I decided to switch things up a bit and review a porn scene a little differently - in a total stream of consciousness way. So much of the notes I write when I review movies gets dopped to the cutting room floor… or repurposed into full sentences for the review you see. So I figured it was those thoughts’ turn to shine. I ended up really liking the results of my experiment and I’m thinking of making it a weekly post.
Comment and let me know what you think.
Ok, let’s get to it!
This week’s movie:
The Scene:
Scene 2 with Nikki Rhodes and Louisa Lanewood
Basic Idea (so you know what’s going on):
No Plot. Just two girls fucking out of the blue.
The Review:
- This looks like it’s gonna be a hot scene!
- Whoa green eye shadow! Nikki Rhodes thinks she’s trying to be sexy making that pouty face, but really it looks like something is wrong with her eye.
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As sad as we were to see Masturbation Month come to an end, National LGBT Pride Month is here and we are super excited! Back in 2000, Bill Clinton declared June as Pride Month to remember the Stonewall Riots, which are considered the start of the gay rights movement. And yesterday, the first of June, President Obama officially proclaimed June 2009 as Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Pride Month and called upon the people of the United States to “turn back discrimination and prejudice everywhere it exists.” Woohoo!
In celebration of queers everywhere, I thought I’d pass on some of my favorite Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender (and queer!) movies to help kick off the month right! Now, in no certain order, a few of my favies:
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I don’t watch many movies that repeatedly have me rewinding back every few minutes to re-watch the part I just watched. It’s few and far between that I see something that catches my attention so wholly that I am too distracted by the sex to remember that I am supposed to be watching to review. This movie is hands down one of the hottest I’ve seen in the last few months – and that’s a big deal coming from a porn reviewer. I enjoyed it so much that I don’t think I can fit everything I want to say into one review, so I am sticking with writing up what I loved so far. Be prepared for a follow up with more Real Sex NYC!
Scene two is awesome. If you’ve ever seen some random person that you just wanted to jump right then and there, this is the scene for you. Two fiercely hot queers take over Food Swings vegan diner in Brooklyn and fuck right up on the front counter after ravenously pulling off each other’s clothes. No time for pleasantries – these two want to get down to business and get down they do! I guess the shop is not quite vegan anymore, because they were definitely munching on more than tofu and veggies.
The music in the scene totally made it for me as well. I love a good soundtrack and this movie did not disappoint (think Modest Mouse/indie rock-ish tunes). Plus the tempo to action ratio was dead on. I especially liked that I could still here all the moaning underneath the music. The sounds are half the hotness of the experience for me.
I loved that each moment of the scene felt tender, warm, caring, dirty, hardcore and sexy all rolled into one and everything flowed with a charge of passion. While that may just be good acting, when it comes to Madison Young’s films, it’s usually the real deal. That girl does not mess around with directing people that aren’t having fun. And why should she? On set chemistry leads to hotter on screen action… which leads me to have to keep hitting the rewind button and spend twice as long reviewing. Can I really complain though? Two thumbs up for Real Sex NYC. I can’t wait to watch more!
-J.D. Bauchery
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 Like many other people, I am big on plot with my porno. Sure, I don’t always want a drawn out story, but I usually like a little something more than just watching people fuck. For me, the perfect porn has a plausible plot that takes up the background space, with plenty of hot sex on the center stage – and Love Nest hits that right on the money. Directors Varla Vex & Nate Liquor seem to be catering to all the story-lovin’ pervs of the world with this four scene roommate/couple fuckfest. Scar 13 welcomes new roomie Poppy Roxx to the mix with a sex fueled afternoon that gets the whole house ready for action. Poppy and Scar’s moans has Ariel X getting off in the bathtub as she waits for her girl to get home and Max Mikita gets so excited that she starts rubbing her clit as she peeks in on the pair, then straps on and hops on over to the kitchen where she gives Bunny the cock ride of her life. Then we even get more Ariel as her girlfriend, Marie Luv, comes home to join her in the bath. What a lounge around the house kind of day!
My favorite parts of the flick were definitely scenes 2 and 3, though the action bounced back and forth between people, regardless of who is pictured in the scene description. I loved watching Ariel X get off with the tub faucet. You don’t see that technique offered up in porn too often, but it’s seriously hot, so here’s hoping that we get to see more! With scene 3, it was the kitchen fucking that totally got me. Max sneaking up on Bunny while packing pants heat was pretty hot, but watching Bunny ride her cock like a champ totally made the experience. Not to mention how totally hot it is when someone calls out that they are about to cum.
If you like the perfect pairing of plot and pussy, this movie is for you!
-J.D. Bauchery
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So, I watch a ton of porn. I mean hell, it’s my job. So, when I say this, you know that I have lots of movies under my belt. This is one of the few pornos I’ve seen that is 100% awesome. No bad scenes. Seriously! An hour and fifteen minutes of total hotness – no joke. Madison Young is doing something right, because I haven’t watched a flick of hers I haven’t loved.
Basic gist: When her wife is stuck with a “layover” (aka. Fucking some chick), Mrs. Robinson (Selina Raven) decides to hit the town and get her own freak on – starting with her daughter’s friend Jiz Lee. I’ve never seen Jiz look so shy! But she gets over that real soon as she plows into Mrs. R and makes her cum all over the place. Then Mrs. Robison makes her way over to a key party and joins in on some super hot femmes fucking. Holy double penetrating strap-ons! And an butt plug with a gem in it! What a fun scene! Next up Sadie Lune and Anja get busy with a blindfold, a vibe and a very nice pink cock. I’m not sure why, but I didn’t think I was going to like this scene all that much. Boy was I wrong! With all that hardcore pounding and moaning, how could I not like it? The final scene was probably my favorite as Trouble Royale (named Tee in the movie) takes her real life girlfriend, Pepper, on the couch… wearing a Nixon mask. What. The. Fuck. Ok, it comes off after a few minutes, but still, it totally made the scene for me. Trouble is so sexy too, with her perfect curves and super cute tattoos (we both have cupcakes!).
Seriously, here’s to you Mrs. Robinson! Wanna fuck?
-J.D. Bauchery
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Fucking in a tattoo parlor. It just doesn’t get any better, does it? Well, not for me, at least. Especially when you’re fucking in Black and Blue Tattoo, the queer tattooing hotspot of San Francisco. I don’t know which is hotter, the folks behind the needles or the ink that they produce. It’s true, there are some super smokin’ people that work in that shop. How do I know? Because I’ve been tattooed there – in that very room to be exact.
This time it’s Shawn (Syd Blakovich) and Carson atop the tattoo table, in scene 3 of this SF sex romp. Shawn wants a stitched heart inked on her chest, but Carson’s got better ideas of what she wants to do to Shaw’s body. She snaps on her latex gloves (originally to tattoo Shawn, but actually used to fuck her – unbelievably hot!) and they are good to go! While I’ve never actually thought of a tattoo table as being a good place to fuck (probably because I associate those tables with needles being stabbing into my body), it turns out to be an awesome place to get it on. Perfectly padded to make sure everyone is comfy, and sturdy as hell, this table supports them well as the frantically pull of each other’s clothes.
Shawn is strapped-on and ready to go. I love that Carson leaves her super high tops on while they fuck. And the way her hair gets in her face as Shawn pounds her from behind – holy crap is that sexy. It’s also kind of an amazing symbolic double entendre that was the buzzing of the Hitachi Magic Wand sounds just like the buzz of a tattoo gun. I love it! This scene would get two thumbs up if I wasn’t busy fanning myself (it suddenly got so hot in here).
-J.D. Bauchery
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Whether you like the senual erotic massage movies or kinkiest fetish flicks, one thing is a constant – most porno plots suck. There, I said it. It’s just a fact of life that in most instances, when a porn movie tries to get all wordy and plot heavy, they usually just get embarassing. How many times can a pizza guy deliver an “extra-large sausage” to a horny woman, laying around all alone in her skimpiest nightie before it gets old? Really, it was old before it began. But sometimes - just sometimes, smut peddlers get it right and a washed up plot ends up being the best scene of the movie. The cheese factor that was once so high diminishes right in front of your very eyes and the plot actually works to do it’s job - getting you hot. This week’s Top Five Tuesday brings you the best of the best of porn plots gone right. Because hey, sometimes that pizza man is hot!
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The Pizza Man: It’s true, sometimes the pizza man is too hot to pass up. This scene, directed by the award winning Erika Lust, gives us a peek into what happens when this plot skips the embarrassing dialogue and goes straight for the jugular of super hotness. Be warned that it’s in Spanish with no subtitles – you might not understand the words, but you’ll definitely get what’s going on. One of the best porn scenes I’ve ever watched, this pizza delivery is not to be missed!
Watch It Now |
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The Mechanic: Looks like you’re engine is shot. Guess you’ll need a big tool to probe around in there, huh? Don’t expect any of that banter in this dirty dyke auto body fuck flick. Mechanic Shawn helps grease up Lorelei Lee’s engine and gets her up and running in no time… without all those pesky double entendres.
Watch It Now |
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Sexy Secretary: While this whole Joanna Angel movie spoofs all of these cheesy plots, they actually get the secretary scene right, with the super sexy January Darling, in her pencil skirt and tight bun, fucking Joanna up and down the screen. I know it’s a stretch since the scene is actually spoofing the real deal, but hot is hot, so get over it and enjoy!
Watch It Now |
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Blind Date: Letting your friends set you up on a date can be a total bust, but when it comes to porno, the date always goes right. While that tiresome plot shows up in this awesome April Flores/Varla Vex scene, it is anything but the same old. Zaftig porno goddess Flores shows Vex the benefits of blind dating with lots of beers, bar top sexin’ and general mischief making. Where do I sign up?
Watch It Now |
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Repair Man: I don’t know what I like best about this scene – the fact that the TV repair man is a chick, or that the repair chick is my super hot dykey porno crush, Michelle Aston. This is the scene that started my love affair with her, so how could I not include it? The ultimate mix between the pizza guy and the mechanic, the repair man plot takes the best of those stories and brings them together to make movie magic – and the perfect porno set up. Aston comes around to help out poor Gia Paloma with her busted TV, but gets so much more, including foot fucking, toy play and explosive orgasms. Googling the best way to break my TV now…
Watch It Now |
The list is heavy on the lezzies, but look who’s writing it, so can you really say you’re surprised?
xoxo
-J.D. Bauchery
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