Sex Tips - Miscellaneous

Happy Holidays! Ah, the holidays. It’s that magical time when the world folds in for one giant hug and all there is peace, joy and happiness. And eggnog… can’t forget that. While holiday time means snuggling under the Christmas tree with your significant other for some people, other folks equate this time of year with waiting in long airport lines and forced family togetherness. It’s not that we don’t love our families, but let’s be real, family time and getting busy shouldn’t even be in the same sentence. And who wants to forgo getting off the entirety of the holiday vacation?!? To help you get through the holiday season unscathed and as little sexually frustrated as possible, I’m taking this opportunity to offer up some tips to keep your sane, sexy and satisfied this year. Really, it’s the gift that keeps on giving.

- Air travel is the bane of the holiday season. So many crowds and delayed flights… do you really want to make the experience any harder for yourself? Your best bet for traveling with sex toys is to stow them in your checked luggage. Especially large or phallic shaped toys. The last thing you need is some cranky security guard emptying out your bag to find the “suspiciously shaped item” (read: dildo) in your carry-on. Sure, they might open your checked bag just to double check that your rabbit is actually a vibrator, but at least it’s not in front of a line of wayward passengers.
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While the traditions of Thanksgiving now center on eating a big dinner and making turkey pictures out of hand prints, this holiday was once actually all about sharing skills and giving thanks for the good things. Obviously they were talking about sex. Okay, fine, it was all about the harvest, but really, I like to think it was all about hot puritan sex. Show me your ankles, you dirty thing. So in the spirit of the stuffing and gravy, here are a few tips to make some bedroom tradition of your own!

- Show Thanks. Let your partner know exactly how much you enjoy the way they nibbled on your labia or kiss behind your ears. Get out of that taking-for-granted rut and bring a sense of genuine thanks to your sexy time. Don’t want to just come out and say thank you? Gush your gratitude during dirty talk and moan out the many things you love, all the while, licking down their body…
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Happy Halloween! We are back at the spooky time of year where haunting and hot get together for a roll in the hay. While a good scare can get our blood pumping almost as well as a mind-blowing orgasm, I prefer to look at Halloween as the perfect time to bring your most exciting fantasies to life with the magic of role playing! Bringing costumes and props into the bedroom is a great way to have even more fun during sex. It’s the perfect opportunity to try something new! Fancy a shag with a scantily clad French maid? Go for it! What about being the cop to your own barely dressed bandit? Don’t forget the handcuffs!

Not only can you rely on this time of year to easily find costumes of all of your bedroom needs, you can find sexy versions of everything, from nurses to nuns! All you have to do is open the package (I love a good pun!) and there you go – a completely sexy witch set in 2 seconds flat. The second best part of using the Halloween store to your sex life’s advantage is that while those costumes can be a pretty penny, they will be way less money than anything you could buy at sex toy stores or lingerie shops any other time of the year. And in these economic times, saving money is the sexiest thing of all!

Whether you are testing the role playing waters or a skilled pro looking for a few new tricks to treat your partner to, follow these terrifyingly helpful tips for bringing the bounty of the season into your bedroom!

- Forget about rushing to the store as soon as it opens in August. Head to the costume shop on Halloween, or especially the day after, to get the best deals on stores’ extra inventory. While the selection may not be as stellar as the first day they hit the shelves, the 75% off clearance tag will surely dry your tears.
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Earlier this month I ran a workshop on anal play for a local toy shop.  Since the class turned out so great and people had so many great questions, I decided to share my handout with our HM4Her readers to make sure that you guys are getting the best of the best when it comes to sex education.  There was so much info that I had to break it into two parts (check out Intro to Anal Play, Part 1)! What what in the butt, let’s get to it!

In the first section I covered all the basics of why people have anal sex, the fears surrounding anal play, the expectations involved with anal sex and all of the basic anatomy of the butt.  Now we get to talk about safety, prep, techniques and toys – all the super sexy good stuff!

Safety Basics

- Anal sex should not hurt. If it hurts, you are doing something wrong.

- Lube, Lube Lube, Lube, Lube! When it comes to butts, you can never use enough lube! Your ass does not self lubricate (like a vagina) so lube is super, extra important. For anal sex, thicker lubes are great. Your best bet is either silicone or water-based lube (as oil-based lubes can weaken condoms, if you are using them), but remember that you cannot use silicone lube with silicone toys. Also remember to add more lube frequently. If you think you’re using too much lube, add some more. Read the rest of this entry »

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In recent years, we have started to really think about what we are doing to our planet and have started taking major steps to cut down on the huge amounts of waste we are accumulating and the destruction we’ve done to our environment. Today is Earth Day, a day which was created to help foster awareness and inspire action to help get ourselves on track and keep the Earth clean and healthy for our future generations. While recycling your trash, using cloth bags when you shop and flipping the light switch when you leave the room are all great ways to get green and very sexy in their own regard, we like to make sure you know how to be eco friendly and extra aware when you are getting sexy. Check out some of these tried and true green tips next time you find yourself in a red hot situation.

- Shower together to save water. Wasting water is not gonna cut it when it comes to being eco conscious, so why not cut down the wasted water with a shower together? To make sure you aren’t letting more go down the drain while you get frisky, get wet and lather each other up, then turn the water off. You’ll still be nice and slippery without wasting any water!

- Unplug yourself. You have better things to do than watch TV or go online and if you play your cards right, you probably won’t be needing the lights on either. Take advantage of the dark – it’s free, doesn’t use any energy and is totally sexy. And if it gets too hot, skip the fan/air conditioning; open a window instead.
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Women masturbate. You know that, I know that… it’s pretty much common knowledge at this point. But for some reason, female masturbation is one of the biggest taboos in our culture. It all goes back to stigmas surrounding women’s sexuality and desire and old timey views on sexuality in general. I’ve never understood how something so harmless and good for you could be so fraught with shame, but then again I am a sex positive, liberal, lezzie sex educator with a specialty in women’s pleasure, so really, how could I understand that? In my opinion, one of the saddest missteps of our sex education system (at least in the U.S.) is our glossing over of masturbation, especially for women. People are always razzing women about faking orgasms, but the reality of the situation is: how do we expect someone to know how they like to get off if we never give them the tools to explore themselves? So, in defiance of this asinine idea that lady self lovin’ be kept under wraps, I’m here to shout it from the rooftops and talk about all the different ways that women get themselves off!

There is no one right way to masturbate. Masturbation is a wholly personal experience that really comes down to stimulating your body in whatever way feels good. Sure, the woman in that porno you just watched was flat on her back with her legs spread open, gently stroking her clit with two fingers. Sure, that’s one way to jerk off (the most camera angle friendly way, even), but as with anything else in porno, it’s definitely not the do all and say all when it comes to sex. That said, there are an infinite number of ways that women get themselves off. The techniques mentioned below are really just a drop in the bucket (well, the most common drops) when it comes to women getting busy solo style.

While there are tons of ways to do it, most women masturbate by stimulating their clitoris, whole vulva, vagina or a combo of all or some of them. Some women get themselves hotter by touching their breasts, thighs and other erogenous zones, but usually need some sort of genital component to reach the big O. The G-spot is can also be a big player during masturbation. It may be difficult for women to reach on their own, but there are sex toys that are specifically shaped to hit the sweet spot.
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It’s that time of year when romance is in the air. Yeah, I know that sounds cheesy, but it’s a whole lot nicer than ‘it’s the time of year when everything is grey and slushy and you are just as likely to step in snow covered dog poop than not,’ so just bear with me. Valentine’s Day may be around the corner, but even after it passes, there’s no rule that says the romance needs to fizzle. In fact, now is the perfect time to make your days sizzle with romance and amazing sex. You’re already hibernating inside under all those blankets, so really, why not make a warm little tent for two (or three, or four…) and show your partner exactly what you meant when you said you needed to “warm up.” And not to worry if you are a little light in the wallet area right now (you and everyone else), these romance reigniters are budget friendly and easy to pick up around town.

- Pick up an inexpensive back massager at the drugstore. The ones that come with a variety of interchangeable heads may be your best bet. Then treat your partner to a full body massage before zeroing in on their bits. For women, run the massager lightly over her vulva and around the insides of her thighs, then head over to the sweet spot, her clit. For guys, travel down the insides of his thighs, then gently massage his balls while you use your hand on his dick. Press the massager lightly against his perineum – the spot between is balls and butthole – to give him a real thrill.

- Some people may think of this as cliché (like it really matters if it feels amazing…), but don’t forget about your local grocery store when you are looking for a sweat treat. Chocolate syrup and whip cream are prefect to lick off your partner’s body, as well as ice cream if you want a little chilly jolt. Don’t under estimate the hotness factor of being licked up and down your body – or doing the licking. Trust me, you will have your partner making sounds you never hear before. Just be careful when it comes to sugary products near your vag, they can cause nasty yeast infections. And while we are trying to get nasty, we definitely don’t mean that way. Ick.

- To add a little kinky kick, tie your bedmate to the bed with silky scarves. Don’t tie them too tight, you don’t want to cut off circulation, but just enough to let them know to stay put. Use a scarf as a blindfold as well to add an extra element of anticipation. When your partner is all tied and ready to go, move another scarf lightly over their body to invigorate their nerves. Also think about playing with a feather or any other soft and sensual material.

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Each year as December 31st nears, every magazine, TV show, website, distant relative, whatever/whoever gives a list of what they think are the best ways to “better yourself” in the upcoming year. While most of these New Year’s resolutions make sense in a betterment way, according to research only 8% of people successfully achieve their resolutions. Eight percent! That means 92% are left feeling like they suck. What fun is that?

In the spirit of sex positivity and welcoming in the new year, I’ve decided to redefine the most popular resolutions out there to make them exciting and offer up some great tips on how to keep them… sexy style, of course. And who doesn’t want to have more awesome sex in the year to come?!

Lose Weight/Go To The Gym - Fuck losing weight to fit into anyone else’s idea of what the ideal body should be. Being healthy is important though, if not just for your health’s sake, then for your sex life. Keeping fit keeps your sex drive up and your stamina and endurance going to make those sexy sessions last longer and longer. That’s right, that exhausting cardio class at the gym can actually translate to hotter sex. And who doesn’t like that?

Learn Something New/Find A Hobby – Always wanted to learn how to give really good head? Now’s the time! Sure, you could take up knitting or cooking, but wouldn’t you rather know how to give an amazing hand job? Try learning a useful new skill, like knot tying, that you can take back to your bedroom and really heat up these cold January nights. Take this time of new discoveries to get to know yourself and figure out exactly what you enjoy. I think finding new and exciting ways to get off is way better than a book club any day.
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My partner’s penis is smaller than I’d like, what are the best positions to maximize his goods?
-Desperately Seeking Size
Miami, FL

Not all penises were created equal. Some are bigger, some smaller and, unfortunately, some fall into the “what am I supposed to do with that?!?” category (which includes both the very small and very big). While some people love the smaller stallions, others need a little more horsepower. One of the downsides to having sex using a biological cock (other than the whole baby-making aspect) is that unlike using a harness and dildo, you’re man’s meat is stationary. You can’t just swap out an undesirable size for one that works better with your shape and size preference. But not to fear, there are easy workarounds to get past the problem of the pequeño penis.

Fortunately for us, the body is a bendy and exciting tool in the arsenal of tricks you can use to enhance your sex life. The positions that best suit a smaller suitor are ones that compact the vagina to make it as short as possible. Shorter vagina means that you get deeper penetration and feel more of your vagina being stimulated by his penis.
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My partner and I are interested in experimenting with hot wax play, but we aren’t quite sure how to begin. Do you have any tips and safety instructions for newbies to this kind of kink?
-Waxing and Waning
  Atlanta, GA

In past sex tips, we’ve talked plenty about different kinds of sensation play - a kink term which refers to playing with intense sensation for sexual and erotic purposes, but never got into anything deeper than blindfolding and trailing ice down your partner’s body. Lucky for us, thanks to this question, we get to explore sensation play a little bit further and talk about pain as a sensation of pleasure.

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