Happy Humpday! Welcome back to the mid-week stretch. I don’t know about you ladies but I can definitely use a little extra push to get through the rest of my Wednesday! Up above we’ve got the first episode of I Hit It With An Axe, a new reality TV series featuring porn starlets like Satine Phoenix playing D&D. Satine also gave io9 an extensive interview on the premise and her gaming style.
I declare the rest of today as outrageous products day, some are real some are fake can you spot the difference?
Mood lipstick – when you don’t want to be too subtle about how horny you are.
Xbiz tells us the winners of Lover’s Choice’s Most Romantic Shop Contest, you can check out the online retail winner here.
Why should men with tiny tiny penises change for their women? Vagifit is for the men to give women to shrink their vaginas so the men can feel more adequate for their lovers.
Having trouble getting men, and some women, to look you in the eye? Well, use the secret weapon of French women: Forehead Tittaes.
Ok this one isn’t a product but it is too awesome not to mention: Japan has a Vagina and Penis festivals and there are pics of these awesome festivals in action.
In today’s edition of my online dating adventures I’m looking at sex. Well I’m always looking at sex, I work for a simply huge porn purveyor (and damn proud of it) but I’m looking at sex, in relation to the online dating process.
You see, it comes up a lot when you’re dating or looking to date or haven’t had sex in a while however long that while might be – when does one start having sex with someone new? To be really honest, whenever you want (after STD checks on both parties’ part would be great but we all know sometimes the mood swings contrary to common sense) whether that happens to be the first date or the fiftieth is up to you and your partner.
It’s almost the most dreaded day of the year for all of singledom (and it’s not exactly looked on with anticipation by many of the clueless who have managed to blunder into couplehood either) Valentine’s Day. Just typing it sends shivers of fear and loathing down my spine and I have no idea where that came from as I’ve always been relatively indifferent to the overly commercialized holiday before – though that didn’t mean I wasn’t a stickler for getting a romantic surprise of some sort on V-day, some guys really need that one day a year reminder, sheesh.
Well I’ve got very little advice on how to weather the V-day blues since this’ll be a first for me and I’ve just started ‘dating’ again (so much work and so little hanky panky). Except for two little nubbins of ‘wisdom,’ first and foremost – this year all the lovelorn are in super awesome luck as the dreaded V-Day also happens to fall on Lunar/Chinese New Year. New Year’s celebrations have always been a boon time for singles (Pagan, Chinese, Solar are all great times to be foot lose and fancy free) so head on out to the nearest Lunar New Year celebration and have the damned fine time you deserve!
And two, well this is best for those who have made a connection but not quite sealed the deal. Celebrate with a little sext! Yes I know, I’m usually screaming at the top of my lungs about not sexting but sometimes a girl drinks a bottle of expensive vodka and feels like making an exception. If you are feeling like you might be wanting to spend the night sexting, for heaven’s sake take the tips offered by Fleshbot (the one about assuming any and all pics can and will be released to the public is particularly good advice) and sext safely.
Alright I’ve got drinking to do, emails to read and pics to browse while drooling and imagining what our kids will look like (kidding! I kid, I kid!)
Everyone has deserted me on account of snow and I’m about to book home myself before I get stuck here but before I do, I’m going to make a quick stop at the posh corner market on my way. Why? Because I’ve found the perfect snow day project!
Make your own lube – naturally and cheapish. I’m not about to throw away my beloved Sliquid anytime soon (it doesn’t have to be refrigerated for freshness and totally rocks) but I can’t think of a better snow day activity than thinking of new excuses to touch myself!
Well despite the ‘blizzard’ knocking on my door, spring is fast approaching and with it will come my renewed desire to have fun outside of my house, probably. There might even be a desire for some of that fun to be of the naked variety and maybe involving bodies other than my own. So I’m about ready to get back to the old online dating scene in preparation for the fun sexy times I’ll be craving.
In the meantime, I haven’t been entirely idol. I checked out Fetlife, briefly (I’m still there – sort of – lot of reading to do) but mostly I’ve been playing video games and hitting on other gamers. Thanks to a recent post on Jezebel I realized that some readers might be interested in how to turn some of these internet connections into bona fide relationships.
So I was reading up on this guy called Marcus, who’s the first legal male prostitute in the country, thinking that maybe just maybe, if I ignored his allusions to being just like Rosa Parks (and didn’t read his interview till after Martin Luther King Day) I could find something to get me excited about safer sex for hire. I was oh so wrong.
First, he doesn’t want to be called a prostitute he wants to be called a gigolo – I’m sure more than a few female prostitutes would rather think of themselves as courtesans but it’s not going to happen.
Second, third and fourth (mind you I’m only on the second of five pages here) he’s women only because while he thinks gay people are great and all his “sphincter isn’t for sale.” And it’s not for sale because he isn’t in it for the money he’s in it to make himself you feel special. He’s selling the service of companionship because women don’t pay for sex “they pay for experience” and though he admits to not having much of any, he does have what it takes to get his clients what they want (his words paraphrased not mine)…
The more I read, the less I wanted to hire the service of this male prostitute or any other. Ever. It would be like paying that bar douche you don’t want touching you to touch you. Ew, no thanks. Sadly I think male prostitution has a long way to come yet before it’s something this woman is willing to pay for, like men who are good looking and know enough not to sour the deal by talking too much before they get their cash in hand. We’ll work on the “philosophies” and fine tuning once we’ve got the basics down pat.
Well the big rush of orgiastic festivities is done and a new year has dawned, I was still nursing my headache from the weekend when I saw this headline over at Jezebel: “Scientists Say “G-Spot” Doesn’t Actually Exist!” Good gods, talk about ruining the New Year let alone my Monday with a single sentence.
Being ever investigative (also known as being more curious than I am I wise) I went right off to the Times Online to investigate the testing methods that lead to this conclusion. They studied 1,800 women, good so far, all twins who should share a general physical structure so that if one has a G-Spot the other should as well, yup good there too – these women then filled out questionnaires, wait what? So to identify if an internal physical structure does or does not exist it’s definitive to just ask highly subjective people with different sexual experiences about it? So I can just say I don’t have an appendix? Cause I’ve never felt it it certainly doesn’t exist, right?
Sorry, but no, go back and give each of those 1,800 women extensive examinations with deep scanning technology and then get back to us. Ok? Thanks. Till then check out some of our awesome instructional videoson how to find and stimulate your own G-Spot.
So it’s winter and I’m cold blooded which means I’m actually going out about as much as your average black adder right now – when I heard about FetLife. You see sometimes even I’m late to these kinds of parties and I’ve discovered a rather odd thing – I occasionally scare the crap out of people on OKCupid. I don’t know why, I’m just your average sweetie who reviews porn heavy on BDSM and Hentai for a living, what’s to fear? But alas fear they do (or drool creepily at the mere mention of porn – too much interest in my job can be a turn off, sadly) so I’m looking for more understanding/interesting stomping grounds for the winter.
For the next few days I’m going to set up an account and explore FetLife till my curiosity is sated, I grow bored or the weather heats up and I go back to actually meeting people face to face, which ever happens first. Till then I’ll be taking my online dating*activity there (what little dating my winter libido can sustain anyway) come in and be my friend, or whatever they do on FetLife I’m not entirely sure what that might be yet, I’ll be the usual FrzKey you’ve grown to know and love.
*Ok maybe not dating, more like exploring as FetLife is a social networking site not a dating site in anyway shape or form but because it’s not really the kind of place I can explore without joining I’ll join first and then figure out what I’m doing there and I already mentioned being outside as much as your average black adder.
Holy second Holiday Humday Batman! It’s the end of the year, one of the rarest of rare blue moons ever and my very first link love – ah awesomeness! I don’t know about you but its supper hard to concentrate on all this porn while I’m still stuffed from holiday feasts and looking forward to additional holiday drinking just – one – day – away, so it seems like the perfect time for a little linky distraction to make the minutes zip by till it’s time for that ol’ ball drop.
I hear that people who don’t work with porn on a daily bases have trouble telling whether or not their potential bedmate has had any boob enhancements. Thanks to the ladies of Jezebel now you too can have a fool proof method of telling real from not so real with just a flashlight and some uncomfortable touching!
Tired of lusting after the new chaste Hollywood hotties and never seeing a scrap of skin below the waist? Now there’s hope! Create your own Nude Hottie Paper Dolls thanks to Cosmo’s ingénue and spiced up a bit thanks by the babes at Jezebel.
I have a confession to make, I’m a Grinch. Yes, I’m one of those horrible people that grow ever more surly as others start planning what to eat for Turkey day until it peaks in me throwing snowballs at my neighbors houses because they had the audacity to leave their holiday lights up till New Years. Needless to say I also don’t get invited to a lot of New Years Eve bashes – but that’s ok, I’m in a handy dandy twelve step program for Grinches.
Part of that involves, giving (lots and lots of it) and porn (because there’s no mood changer like a good sex scene). So today I gift you readers with a beautiful one two punch called “Spork” an erotic fan-fictional tale that involves the new Captain Kirk and his first mate, Spock.
Who knew, Spock swallows – but only when necessary. Remember, though yaoi fan-fiction smashups are highly addicting and should only be taken in small doses or you’ll risk losing your sense of reality and start seeing all your favorite male stars in compromising guy on guy action (when you get to the point where you’re imagining the Joker and Batman having a midnight tryst while Harley Quinn watches with a camera and a few of Bat’s marvelous toys – you know you’ve gone too far).
