Studio: Dash Hentai Category: Hentai

I’ll admit, when I first looked at “Panty Flash Teacher” I wasn’t sure that I wanted to review it today. After all what’s so special about another blackmail teacher type of plot but it eventually won my curiosity, with pictures of a student’s flaming head, potential futanari and simply by looking slightly better drawn than all the rest in its preview images.

The story starts out with the new teacher, Machiko Natsukawa, headed to work on the train where a few students are causing a ruckus so she goes to try and discipline them. The students decide to humiliate the teacher by pantsing her rather than listening and she ends up punching one of the two to get them off of her. Of course it turns out to be Machiko’s good luck that these same students end up in her class; they immediately start out by humiliating and manhandling her in front of the entire class.

It doesn’t take long to find out that those two are running the school; taking pictures of the students to blackmail them with later and spending gym class fucking and sucking with some of the other students. There is only one student who is higher on the totem pole than those two, Utsui, and it looks like he has some designs on the new teacher.

As things start to get pretty bad for Machiko, it becomes abundantly clear that while the administration is aware of what’s going on in the school, they have absolutely no interest in stopping it. Furious, constantly humiliated in front of all her students and with no support whatsoever when she rightly brings up the issue to her superiors it’s understandable that Machiko eventually falls into a debauched world of perversion at the hands of the very same student she originally tried disciplining. Gotta give her credit though, Machiko does go down fighting the whole way.

As usual this particular movie is dubbed in English (see all my previous rants about how much I hate dubs) this is particularly immersion breaking when the principle brings Machiko into the teachers’ lounge and speaks in a rather bad but distinctive impression of Yoda. The only character that seems to have been portrayed well by their voice actor was Utsui, the son of the mayor who embroils Machiko as his sex slave with the aid of doctored pictures and a pair of panties.

I really liked the character designs on this one. While you’ve got your typical glasses wearing school girl, Machiko’s character design was unique enough to both imply that she was older than her students but still a young and extremely sexy woman. You could also easily spot that the original two trouble makers were bad eggs, due to their modified uniforms, bleached hair and punky hair styles. Right up to Utsui, who seems clean cut at first but easily transforms into a monster visually as well as in action. Coloring and motion for “Panty Flash Teacher” also seemed pretty high quality, movements were fluid and everything from the teacher’s delicate flush to the shading on the panties was really well done.

Did “Panty Flash Teacher” measure up to my original expectations? Well the story actually turned out to be a lot better than I was expecting, Machiko’s not rolling over right off the bat really made the story more entertaining. I didn’t exactly like the ending which didn’t make much sense as far as I was concerned (why give in when you’ve have nothing left to lose) but to be expected from hentai. Besides it left plenty of room for a comeback sequel which I wouldn’t mind watching. There wasn’t actually any futanari in it; instead they dressed a male student in a female’s uniform with a wig. But they did set a student’s head on fire (the same one they dressed up like a girl) it was actually a pretty funny scene. Oh and it was pretty! I like pretty. Overall I was pleasantly surprised all around with “Panty Flash Teacher.”

-FrzKey

Watch “Panty Flash Teacher” Now!

Studio: Burning Angel Entertainment Category: Hetero Couples

Never underestimate the romance of real couples fucking on film. I think there is something really romantic and endearing about wanting to show the world how you have sex as a couple. But don’t get the idea that real coupes have to be sensual and tender to screw on screen. Fuck no! This rough and tumble Burning Angel relationship flick is all about the love – and all about the pussy pounding, cum on my tits, hair pulling action. And that’s what makes it so damn hot!

Six real world couples hit the sheets (or couches, as I’ll explain later) to get down and dirty in from of the porno camera. For some it’s an anniversary gift to themselves; others just do it for fun – either way, all the alt twosomes seem to be having a hell of a lot of fun. Plus, by opening every scene with an interview (and sometimes a quick cameo by Joanna Angel herself), we as viewers get to see their real relationship dynamics and find out a little about them before the banging begins.

One thing that I was definitely disappointed about was that we didn’t get to see any action with real couple Joanna Angel and James Deen in this flick. They are seriously cute together. Oh well, at least we have movies like European Vacation…

My favorite non-sex part of the movie was the scene three opening, showing a super precious montage of Cadence and her man (Nailhead?) bugging each other, fighting, laughing, kissing and cuddled up – just like the real couple that they are. It was kind of fun to get a sneak peek into their relationship to see how they are away from the “casting couch.”

While I totally enjoyed the non-sex clips between scenes, some were a little baffling… like why they filmed Morgan Mae freaking out over her boyfriend Doug crashing her car and leaving it for her to find all dented up. I mean, I know WHY they filmed it (I admit it’s kinda fun to watch someone lose it), but I’m not sure why they put it in the movie.

And now that I know Doug is her boyfriend, we can put a face to the cock from POV scene they did earlier in the movie. This is funny to me because I know Doug from working with him for HotMovies.com in Philly and his is one dick I never expected to see. But thus is the life of a frequent porn watcher – sometimes you run into friends and associates you never thought you’d ever see naked and screwing a girl from behind. C’est la vie! Back to the fucking…

My favorite fuck scene was Cadence and Nailhead (scene 5) as well. Maybe it had something to do with getting to see them all over the place earlier in the movie, or maybe just because they are one fucking hot couple that make sweet, sweet porno magic when they get it on – I guess we’ll never know. I do know that it was actually really sexy to watch a couple who know how to touch each other just right and fit together perfectly after six years of screwing. It touched my heart as much as my tingly bits…

One thing that I wasn’t a fan of in this movie was all of the couch fucking. I think out of six scenes, only one couple fucked on a bed proper. While I don’t usually notice stuff like that, all the different couches really stood out to me in this flick. Maybe couches are easier to film, or fuck on for some folks, but screwing on a bed is fun too, guys. Of course this would never be a deterrent for me when it comes to porn – more like an annoying observation that I noticed in the background of hot people fucking. And to be honest, I think I just need to get over it.

-J.D. Bauchery

Watch “True Fucking Love” Now!

Studio: Pop One Productions Category: Str8 Guys

I’m just going to come out and say that I almost didn’t watch this solo movie because the guy’s name is “420 Stroker.” I mean, did I seriously want to jerk off to a dude who would anoint himself such a ridiculous alias?? Fortunately, I’m not strong enough to resist a great smile and a big dick because I would have missed out on some hot JO action.

So apparently “420 Stroker” is some sort of reference to a car. I don’t get it, but I’m glad it’s not some lame reference to weed. After listening to this guy talk a little, I have to admit I found him pretty charming and was totally ready to see what he had inside those jeans!

Once 4S gets his massive dick out and begins working it, things get hot quick. One thing that’s nice about this one is that he really takes his time. I love when solo scenes are a little more intimate and the way he works his cock and the camera are totally hot. I don’t want to go over every little detail, but there’s plenty of dirty talk as he strokes himself until he explodes and a ton of different camera angles… This isn’t one of those solo shots where the dude blankly stares off into the corner of the room in order to make a quick buck.

I do have to give this guy a shout out for giving props to all natural girls. It’s always nice to hear a guy go on about he prefers his girls without makeup and curvy! I also love that he was completely comfortable in the scene and had a lot of fun. I’ve seen a ton of dudes who are so not into what they’re doing, but 4S loved talking to the camera and seemed to have no issue with the fact that he was about to enter the spank bank of men around the world!

Just a note – if you have little interest in knowing this dude and want to get right to the action, skip to scene two. He’s kind of adorable, but sometimes it’s good to get right to the dirty stuff!
-The Porn Librarian

Watch Beef Jerky – 420 Stroker Now!

Studio: Marie Madison Media Category: Doll Fetish

Yay, Jenny’s back! That’s basically a short version of my reaction when I heard there was a sequel to Jenny’s first film. You might remember Jenny Densuke best as that blond sex doll that had a whole porno in which she was the featured performer, I’ll always remember Jenny as a silicone infused breath of fresh air to my normal plotted porny bits!

Oh no, there’s a new doll in town! Right as Jenny’s getting ready to go to the AVN awards this little Chinese themed doll named Dai Ling shows up for a shoot. Dai Ling has a bit of a problem with her mother, who is a bit of a ball breaker but manages to secure herself a job despite that and has a lovely personality. It’s so very wrong for me to stare at John Michaels overly toned backside but sometimes it’s good to be wrong – John is trying to fix the van but the van is having none of it, looks like Jenny is going to miss the show and have to spend some time snowed in with the girls instead.

Dai Ling looks a LOT like Jenny and not at all like a Chinese model, except her hair is black instead of blond. Maybe it’s the stiff looking partially open mouth or the blue eyes, or the fact that she seems to have Jenny’s breasts. I suppose that comparison isn’t really helped by the fact that her sex scene is with Jenny’s jerky ex (yes he’s really a jerk, emergency engagement ring and all).

Come for the Real Dolls stick around for the “so straight” jokes. Variations on the old “yo mama” theme, these are hilarious and counterproductive, you’ve got to see this bit if nothing else had me laughing out loud so long and hard in the office I gave myself a headache, it’s actually part of the behind the scenes portion and of outtakes and the making of. The behind the scenes footage is well worth the watch, seeing how the stars created their sex scenes with Jenny is really hilarious.

Of the sex, sex, well – I just wish everyone could see the look on Jenny’s face in her first lesbian three-way when the girls kiss her cheeks. It basically sums up the scene to follow perfectly: artfully shot, but required too much imagination for the girl on girl scene to really work for me. Dai Ling’s scene is actually kind of frightening, and it’s supposed to be – it is after all nightmare themed.

There are only a few sex scenes in this sequel, the film portion is really short compared to the original and rather disjointed, still I really enjoyed seeing Jenny again and getting a look behind the scenes of her original movie. Will it get you off though? Probably not, the two scenes were somehow not quit as sexy as the original films (or maybe I was just sad that John kept his clothes on most of the time) there is a final ‘bonus’ sex scene but Jenny’s partner for it just wasn’t doing it for me, Jenny on the other hand was flawless as always.

-FrzKey

Watch “Jenny & Marie’s Award Show Fiasco” Now!

Studio: Arrow-Productions Category: Classics

I cannot believe I’ve made it to 27 years old without ever having seen Deep Throat. It’s even more embarrassing that I review porn for a living and STILL haven’t seen this iconic porn classic. I think my mother has even seen it before, which means that I am bordering on pervert failure here. So, I figured I would FINALLY get with the program and check out this legend.

After years of hearing about Deep Throat (as well as reviewing Throat: A Cautionary Tale, which is based off of Deep’s story), I was well acquainted with the basics of the plot. After years of unfulfilling sexual experiences, Linda Lovelace heads to the doctor (Harry Reems) and finds out that her clitoris is actually in the bottom of her throat! Now that she’s experienced all the “bells and bombs” going off (aka. orgasm), Lovelace becomes a true sexual convert … and what seems like the first sexual surrogate. She takes a job with the doctor as a “physical therapist” that gets super physical. Curing male patients’ sexual woes with her own special brand of medicine. Kind of like a naughty nurse, but not.

Ok, so this movie is so not what I was expecting. I’m not sure what I really thought it would be like, but it is way funny than I thought I had imagined. And way stranger… I had no clue about Dr. Young at all, but he totally makes the movie. He is all over the place, cracking random jokes and keeping the mood light and funny. I also wasn’t expecting Lovelace to start making sexy house calls. There are also all these really silly songs in the movie, in the background of the sex scenes. These crooning songs singing about what’s happening on screen. Really bizzare/awesome.

Overall, Deep Throat was totally unexpected in a completely awesome way. I was waiting for a dated classic that lived up to all the gasping and hype of how obscene it was said to be at the time (1972), but what I got was a hilariously awesome oldie but goodie that I definitely recommend for people to spend some time with.

Think of it like a history lesson – but with way more head!

-J.D. Bauchery

Watch “Deep Throat” Now!

Studio: SCORE Group Category: Big Tits

I picked this movie for the usual reasons, I love boobs and I just discovered the holy grail of natural big boob models. Linsey Dawn McKenzie, who rose to fame at the age of 16 (in Britain you can model topless that young apparently) with 36FF boobs. Since then Linsey’s assets grew to an enormous 36HH before she finally had them reduced to a less backbreaking size. She’s a legend, not just for her amazing rack but also for her slim figure (36-24-36, seriously I didn’t think anyone had those measurements besides Barbie). “Ultimate Linsey” is the only film I could find where this legendary model has full hardcore sex before her breast reduction.

Ok, accent – smoldering fucking hot! Linsey starts off with a little monologue and it’s seriously hard to concentrate on what she’s saying because of her hot British accent. Yeah, I guess an accent is the fastest way to my libido. After that there’s lots of tit play as Linsey shows of her absolutely amazing breasts. Seriously all that stuff I’ve seen models do with ginormous implants is a whole new experience when Linsey does it. Also, Linsey is really flexible and really active for a woman masturbating on her bed.

After the solo scene, Linsey’s then husband comes on screen and the action really begins. He seems a bit nervous and takes a little extra work on Linsey’s part but yah know I love watching a man get hard on camera and Linsey doesn’t seem to mind the effort, not one bit. There were a couple moments I just went all ‘aww, they’re such a cute couple’ instead of ‘oh god yeah, that’s hot,’ but it’s all good. Then comes the moment, I and all her fans have been waiting for: cowgirl and reverse cowgirl and yes the bouncing was magnificent to watch but truly it was when Linsey was on her back that she was most hypnotic.

Then came the obligatory cum on breasts shot which I obligingly fast forwarded through. Followed by one last solo scene and I found myself thinking that her puppies were nice but they’d be even nicer in a cute bra so she could really show off in those skimpy outfits. I bet she looks spectacular when she’s really dolled up, but braless was a little sloppy for my tastes, why do only fake boobies get pretty bras? Of course all that went out of my head when she bent over on all fours and said in her adorable accent, “slap me, spank my bottom,” queue senseless drooling and blushing in the middle of the office.

I have to just say it; Linsey has the most impressive pair of natural tits I’ve ever seen. They look so firm but have that wonderful fluid movement I love! Shame she got them reduced but I hear she had back problem since her teens that could only be assuaged with the surgery. If you’re a fan of big bouncing natural breasts definitely check out Linsey’s body of work.

-FrzKey

Watch “Ultimate Linsey” Now!

Studio: Inpulse TV Category: Hetero Couples

While there are a million things that are more important to a dirty movie than music, it can definitely add a lot to the experience when well done. Evan Essence is one of those movies that is vastly improved by the inclusion of great music. It also happens to feature the amazing Evan Stone, one of the most popular cock slingers of the last dozen or so years.

Each scene of this movie is set in a different decade, starting with the twenties and ending in the 2000’s. Besides the visual cues, each time period is set up using music and it’s pretty fantastic. Whether it’s Stone playing a record on a vintage machine in the first scene or spinning in the new millennium as a DJ in the final, it’s a nice touch, especially for a music fan like myself.

My favorite scene was the second because Gen Padova really looks the part of a classic film noir star. She hooks up with a detective, played by the super handsome Jack Lawrence, and I love how they take a little time to get to know each other before getting down and dirty. He drives her crazy as he works her pussy with his tongue and fingers before she returns the favor. Once they’re both really worked up, he slips inside of her and they bone until he blows a load on her gorgeous stomach. Good stuff!

The other scene I loved was the fourth, which takes place in the 70s and stars Jassie. I’ve been super into people screwing on cars lately and the Trans Am made it for me! Damien Childs plays a mechanic and proves that he’s good with his hands in this one. The couple has great chemistry and there’s a disco ball – what else could you ask for?

While I didn’t talk about Stone much, if you’re a fan you’ll enjoy both of his scenes, especially the first.

While we all know that women have eclectic tastes in XXX ranging from sensual softcore scenes to the dirtiest fuckfests you’ll find, this is one of those hetero movies I would say was made with women in mind. It’s a great starter for straight ladies who are a bit intimidated by XXX, but curious about checking it out and fantastic for porn enthusiasts who don’t enjoy super hardcore movies.

-The Porn Librarian

Watch Evan Essence Now!

Studio: Reel Queer Productions Category: Lesbian-Femme

I love me some butch chicks – there is no denying that. Fucking with gender is not only awesome because it breaks preconceived ideas of gender roles into little bits, it’s really freaking hot as well. A gal in a tie and strap-on harness makes me weak at the knees. What can I say – I’m hot for butch/femme dynamics.

But as the femme lady I am, I sometimes crave something a little different – a little more feminine. And by that, I don’t mean delicate or weak. I mean girls in thigh-high fishnets and heels, with lots and lots of bright red lipstick. Toss in a string of pearls to push me over the edge. And lucky for me, Reel Queer Productions rounded up a bunch of super sexy femme dykes to get down and dirty – high heels and all!

Femmetastic is just what this awesome girlie dyke romp is! Ladies acting ladylike all over each other’s wet and tingly bits, infused with vintage clips of women in the ‘50s. Does it get any better? And those extra pieces did way more than just fill space. They totally set the sexy/campy vibe for the whole movie, which spans the entire realm of campy awesomeness – from two horny ‘50s housewives looking to iron each other’s wrinkles and frost one another’s cakes to Mormon sister wives having a play date while their husband and other sister wife are away! Amazing!

My favorite scene (3) features the super sexy Dylan Ryan having a solo go at it atop a washer in the laundromat. While I love watching Ryan in partnered scenes (especially with her real life beau, Trucker Cash), this sex kitten is fierce enough to hold the entire scene together with her freshly painted lips, unbuttoned jeans and moans of pleasure. Plus, she is in a laundromat! What an amazingly HOT fantasy! That and you get a free giant vibrator once the spin cycle starts. Double score! This scene is seriously moving to my list of must re-watch porn STAT.

Another big favorite about this movie is that though it is femme-on-femme action, there are still strap-ons being used. Seriously, I’m so glad someone is finally letting the world know that no matter how short and sexy your skirt is, sometimes there is a giant silicone dick hiding underneath. Wow, even typing out that sentence has me panting a little. That said, I need to get off the keyboard and get back to pre-occupying my hands…. Definitely check these Femmetastic ladies out!

-J.D. Bauchery

Watch “Femmetastic!” Now!

Studio: JM Productions Category: Behind The Scenes

Today I’ve got an extra special treat – more of “Porn’s Most Outrageous Outtakes!” Normally I’m not a gossip/tabloid kind of girl but I do occasionally find myself desperately curious about what’s going on onset of some of the many, many, pornos I’ve seen. Since I’m also not the type to take my clothes off in front of a camera and crew, can’t hold a camera steady and have no directing skills, these behind the scenes films are my best peak behind the scenes. Besides I heard that Tanner Mayes totally freaks out on the set of this one.

Awesome, first up is indeed Tanner! Jim has nothing but nice things to say about her while he’s introducing the scene. It all starts with a questionable mark on Tanner’s thigh, that one of the girls sees and doesn’t want touching her thought Tanner has a valid test that she brought with her to the scene to explain what she calls chaffing. Shortly after that Tanner quit the shoot mid scene and heads to leave, but realized that she’d left her phone and goes back to get it and while doing so shoves a monitor onto the floor. In motion it’s all of a jumble, Tanner seems really sweet at first if a little disjointed. It was kind of sad watching her meltdown and tries and to tell everyone off.

Sex? Uhm, well I did stare at Tanner’s cute little tits a lot. Got to watch them bounce a bit while she gestured and raged. At first the few occasions that there was anything sexual going on, it was in the least sexy context possible then the tantrum ends and we get to see the scene that Tanner walked out on before finishing. Well, I’ve never seen an all girl bukkake scene before but I’m not usually a fan of the male ones so I wasn’t expecting to like this one either. The footage is rather raw, since I don’t think this particular scene was ever finished up for the eventual film. And coming after Tanner’s tantrum instead of before, the illusion of hotness is already horrible broken.

Tanner’s epic opus isn’t the only bit of backstage gossip in this film (yes there’s more) but like the guys say when they intro the scene – it’s about an hour long. Add in the sex scene and that’s an hour and a half! That only leaves something like twenty minutes for everyone else to have their moment on camera. Though there was this really great look at one stars cervix which was an oddly cool moment.

Ok, this is like TMZ for the porn lover. Pure delicious, ridiculous, gossipy crack, almost no one looks good on these things except Jim Powers; Jim always looks good, like some long suffering, sweet, porny patriarch. Even Ashley Blue ended up looking a little demanding in her scene and we all love Ashley. It’s great! My only complaint is that I only ever see people I don’t know in “Porn’s Most Outrageous Outtakes,” excepting Ashley, not that I secretly think that anyone whose films I avidly follow is actually a bit of a tirading diva on set, just that I’d like to see them behind the scenes.

-FrzKey

Watch “Porn’s Most Outrageous Outtakes 4″ Now!

Studio: Blue VanitiesCategory: Classics

Before I even start talking about this quickie, can I just say that I totally want the book Harry Reems is looking through in the beginning. I believe it is Tina Russell’s Porno Star from 1973, but sadly it’s over $60 on amazon… I am so adding that to my list of books to look for in thrift shops!

Back to the porno – I chose this one because Reems was one of the biggest stars of the golden age of the industry, but for some reason we never seem to talk about him. I’ve really only seen him in a few different films and I watch a ton of classic porn. I’m not sure what the deal is with that, but I figured I should check him out, even if he is going to insist on that mustache.

In this short scene, Reems gets tag teamed by two girls who dress like mid-western soccer moms in the 70s. Or at least I’m guessing that’s that case. Unlike a lot of these classic clips, this one doesn’t jump around, which is really nice. The bj scene is impressive (it would have to be with a cock that big) and lasts the perfect amount of time. Once the girls strip out of their frocks, they take turns riding cock until Reems drops a load in the brunette’s mouth. Good stuff!

Overall this is a nice slow scene featuring a big star with a couple of women who have real bodies with pubic hair, visible flaws (!) and know how to have a good time. If you like the old stuff, it’s so worth 9 minutes of your time!

Also, I would just like to go on record as stating that Cheese Doodles never have a place in porn. Cheetos, now that’s a whole different story!
-The Porn Librarian

Watch Party Girls 4 Now!