As I mentioned a couple of time in the last week, I facilitated a workshop on anal play for a local sex toy store.  Not only did the workshop go wonderfully, the people that attended had awesome questions to ask.  It was a great help to have questions asked to make sure that all their fears and needs were being met and discussed, but it also showed me how very much people want to know specifics about sex and have no way of getting the info unless they are given it.  Ok, sure, they can go online and look it up, but does that mean they will be getting accurate, non-judgemental sex information?  Not necessarily. 

So, thanks to all the awesome questions I recieved, I decided to offer up my workshop handout to HM4Her readers to make sure that you guys are getting the best of the best when it comes to sex education.  This info will be cut into two parts – there is a lot to learn and I want to make sure I have enough room to get it all out!

What what in the butt, let’s get to it and start at the bottom!

To begin, I thought it would be good to talk about why people have anal sex.  The simple reason: because it feels good!  Ok, sure it feels good, but there’s more than just that.  The butt is a totally overlooked orifice that is rich in nerve endings and lots of tissue that is just waiting to be stimulated and excited.  Because anal sex has such a taboo around it, the whole experience can feel naughtier and more risque, which can make it even hotter to some people.  Plus, it can take a lot of trust when it comes to a taboo experience, so some people consider anal sex to be more intimate and only want to it explore it with that extra special someone.  No matter how you view anal sex, it can be an exciting and pleasurable experience.  As anal sex expert Tristan Taormino says: an emotionally charged act + a super sensitive spot fill of nerve endings = amazing orgasms!  Can you go wrong with that? 

 Fears

Anal sex can be intimidating or scary to some people, especially if they’ve heard stereotypes or negative experiences from other people. 

Here is a list of a few stereotypes and fears that we came up with in the workshop:

- You can damage your butt and have to wear diapers.
- If you like anal sex and you are a guy, it means you’re gay.
- You might have to deal with poop.
- Anal sex hurts really bad and I always will.
- Your ass is only an exit.

With all the stigmas and stereotypes, no wonder so many people have so many hang ups about anal sex!  By the end of this Anal 101, I will adress all of these issues/stereotypes and try to put our fears to rest. 

Expectation

When it comes to sex in general, many people go into the experience having an expectation of what is going to happen.  Whether it’s from the movies, porn, past partners, whatever, these expectations can end up causing more harm than good.  It’s important to know what your expectations are when you begin any new experience.  Be aware of what you are expecting to happen and ask yourself if that is a realistic goal. 

If you and your partner are exploring anal sex for the first time, are you expecting to pour on some lube and just go to town?  that may be the case, but you are more likely going to need to go slow and work up to the free for all.  With an area as delicate and sensitive as the anus, you have to take your time and relax, which may take longer than originally expected.  Fear and nerves can cause relaxation to go even slower. 

Respect your partner’s - and your own – limits and to create a safe and comfortable environment to be able to make the experience as wonderful as it can be.  And remember, just because it may not have gone exactly as you wanted it to (you were thinking full penis penetration and all you could work up to was a finger), it doesn’t mean it was a failure.  As long as you had fun and enjoyed yourselves, it was good sex!

A great way to keep your expectations in check is to take the pressure off the situation.  Don’t worry so much about orgasming or going all the way into the anus – just have fun and enjoy the pleasure!  Remember that anal sex can be intimidating to some people and make sure that everyone involved is comfortable and having fun.

Onward to Anatomy.  I’m big on the idea of making sure that everyone knows the hardware and the plumbing before we dive into the how-to’s and advanced info.

Anatomy

(photo by The McGraw-Hill Companies)

Anus – The anal opening. It’s full of nerve endings and very sensitive.

Anal Canal – The first two inches beyond the anus. Also full of nerve endings.

External Sphincter Muscle – Muscle that keeps the anus closed. It’s actions are voluntary and can be controlled (ie. relaxed for anal sex). These are the muscles that can clench if you are nervous.

Internal Sphincter Muscle – Keeps the anus closed. Actions are reflex (involuntary), but the internal sphincter works with the external sphincter and when you learn to relax the external, the internal will relax too.

Rectum – Beyond the anal canal is the rectum, which is about 8 to 9 inches long. The rectum is attached to the colon and curves towards the front of the body, away from the body and back towards the front.  While the rectum still has nerve endings, it is not as sensitive.

Perineum – The part between the anus and the genitals. Under a woman’s vagina and behind a man’s scrotum. Very sensitive.  Sometimes called the “taint.”

Female Body

Here is a view of the female sexual and reproductive organs along with the anus and rectum.  I like to be able to show people what everything looks like in relation to one another. 

As well, this picture makes it easy to explain this next picture about the Grafenberg Spot (or the G-spot).  The G-Spot isn’t so much a spot as an area on the front wall of the vagina that is highly sensitive when a woman is aroused. The easiest way to find the G-spot is to have a woman (or any vagina carrying person) lie on her back. Insert two fingers into her vagina (palm up) and curl them up in a “come hither” motion. The G-spot feels like a quarter-sized spongey area that will become engorged and slightly hard when a woman is aroused.  Some people experience a deeper, fuller body orgasm with G-Spot stimulation and some can even ejaculate from a G-spot orgasm! 

The G-spot can also be indirectly stimulated from anal sex, as the wall between the rectum and the vagina is thin enough for anal penetration to reach the G-spot.

(photo by The McGraw-Hill Companies)

In this picture the G-spot is being directly stimulated from inside the vagina, but if you enter the anus at the same angle, you can indirectly stimulate the G-spot.  Certain positions, just as doggy style, are especially good for G-spot reaching anal sex.

(photo by The McGraw-Hill Companies)

Here is the male sexual and reproductive organs along with the anus and rectum to show you where everything is in relation.  Note the Prostate Gland that surrounds the urethera near the bladder.  The Prostate is a gland that secretes a milky white fluid found in semen, and is also considered the male G-Spot, or P-spot and can be very sensitive when stimulated.  Here is a better picture of the prostate being stimulated.

(picture via TopNews.in)

There we go!  Hopefully this is just enough info to get you excited, but not too much as to overwhelm.  Check back for Part 2 of our anal exploration, which includes safety tips, preparation, technique and toys!

Remember to enjoy yourself!  It’s sex, it’s supposed to be fun!

xoxo
-J.D. Bauchery 

Find out more hot butt tips from the Anal Queen with Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide To Anal Sex: