Christmas is right around the corner and in honor of what I hear used to be a Christian holiday, I’m celebrating the classic toys that every kid hoped to find under the tree in the morning. Of course, i’m doing this by highlighting movies that will probably taint your precious childhood memories…
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My Buddy: What better to commemorate the joy of opening my very own My Buddy than by highlighting a more grown up plaything in The Love Doll! This dyke didn’t want Kid Sister, she was super lame. My Buddy wore a baseball cap and could watch Yankees games with my Grandfather and I. |
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A Pony: What little girl didn’t want a pony? I know I sure did. My brother and I even cleaned out a stall in our neighbor’s unused barn just in case. Fortunately, it also served as an awesome clubhouse, because, like a billion other girls, my dreams of owning my very own pony never came true. |
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Old School Nintendo: The most exciting Christmas present we got was, without a doubt, a Nintendo. I still remember my parents sitting all of us around a box and then giving us the go to rip into it. The aftermath was insanity as we screamed, hugged, and ran around like a bunch of morons. My little sister actually cried when we had to leave to visit with family. Best. Present. Ever. |
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A Skateboard: A skateboard is a kind of crappy gift for a kid that lives in a place that’s covered in snow from October until April, but after months of begging, that’s exactly what I got one year. It was awesome. I practiced Ollies and looking cool in the garage whenever I had a chance. If you’re ever in need of a laugh, picture the skinniest girl in the world skateboarding in moon boots and a snow suit. |
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A Puppy!: So I never got a puppy either but I feel that it’s probably one of the most lusted after presents. Plus, a puppy is attainable. Unless you’re some snobby rich kid, you really had no chance of getting a pony, but a cute little furball is a whole other story. Maybe you were better at convincing your parents you were ready for the responsibility than I was. If so, congratulations, and in the true spirit of Christmas, I hope your puppy ate your baseball glove. |
Happy Holidays, pervs!
-The Porn Librarian
